B.O.B. (the Best of Bob)

Vol.2

Life Lessons from my father (Bob) as he takes on a new battle

“I was blown away by how many lives I’ve touched and never knew. This is one of the best days of my life.”

I must have stared at this text from my dad a hundred times after he sent it to me the other day. Probably a hundred more the next day.

Last week, I introduced B.O.B, as a personal attempt to thoughtfully chronicle, compile and pass along the hallmark bits and bites of wit, wisdom and life lessons I’ve learned from my father, Bob, as he battles pancreatic and liver cancer.

At the time, I knew the intent behind B.O.B, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for the impact of Bob, and neither was he. As he so poignantly shared with me, this has become “the best RX as an incentive to carry on with life.”

So the Best of Bob (B.O.B.) has transformed beyond simply a series of sentimental stories and nostalgic recollections— it is a living collection and record of his impact — while he is living. An open ledger of his legacy. In a way, these are his NFT’s (or Non-Fungible Takeaways in this case).

And the best way to carry on my father’s legacy is with him and with those that love him, and even with those that never met him, but love “learning” from him.

For all his virtues, patience is definitely not one of them, so better carry on with the lessons.

B.O.B. is now in session…

Raise Your Kids Uniquely, Not Equally

You should raise your kids uniquely, not equally. My father abided by this parenting belief while I was growing up and it was never lost on me.

Your children (if more than one) are different people with different tastes, interests and talents. And as they grow up, and experience things, they are exploring just what makes them unique. Embrace their individuality, rather than stifle it. Don’t assume they want the same things just because you want to “raise” them equally.

You can still treat them fairly, but when you raise them uniquely, you respect who they are and support who they will become.

Even though I don’t have kids, this parenting practice has always stayed with me and I have used it as my own informal guiding principle for managing people in my professional life. Gain to have an understanding of what makes a person distinct and then “raise” them in a way that recognizes and embraces their originality.

Sit at round tables when dining in bigger groups

Bonds are often made over dinner conversations. But when there is a large group outing, like a family gathering, or reunion or some other event with lots of people about to sit down for a meal, a long table is a conversation killer. Yet it is so often the case.

Round tables, however, create a more intimate and relaxed setting for conversation and foster more genuine and meaningful connection. People aren’t stretching their neck to try and hear what the middle of the table is saying.

With the round table, there is no seat shaming. No table FOMO.

Think about a business “roundtable,” it describes a discussion or meeting where everyone is thought of as equal in importance, which is what happens when you seat them that way.

Whenever my dad has planned a large gathering (which is not often, but he recently did for my parents 50th wedding anniversary) he immediately starts with “we have to have round tables.”

B. School with Bob

My dad never formally went to Business School, but he pretty much has a masters degree in work experience, which comes with a few teachings worth sharing:

A yes is a yes, a no is a no and a maybe is expensive: I personally have been a part of many many expensive maybes.

It’s about the meeting before the meeting: As a lifelong sales and marketing executive, my dad had lots of important meetings. But by far, the most important meeting was the meeting before the meeting. That’s where strategy is born and preparation sets it free.

Can you help me is the most powerful question you can ask: As far as I know, no one enjoys difficult conversations with a boss or a colleague. And while I am sure there is formal guidance and advice to follow, whenever I am faced with a challenging conversation I always think of this one from my dad.

Simply start the conversation with “Can you help me?” When you do this, the other person immediately feels valuable and valued. It places them in a position to contribute rather than shut down, and that’s when potential outcomes become concrete conclusions.

Be on a first name basis with a lot of people

If you were to follow my dad around for a day, well you might be a little bored, truthfully. It would involve going to the diner, the post office, the bank, and if things get super adventurous, the dry cleaner.

You would however, also observe something that might seem like a small thing, but it holds real meaning.

He is on a first name basis with everyone. And not just because he is a creature of habit and repeat customer (he is) but because he doesn’t just learn everyone’s first name, he learns about them. So the next time he walks into a place, he can ask “Neil,” or “Sal,” or “Nick,” about the things that matter to them.

It could be about their kids who have been searching for their first job, or apartment. It could be about someone’s favorite sports team, or a challenge they are facing with their particular business.

He doesn’t just remember their first name, he remembers what makes them a person, and asks questions he cares to know the answer to.

After all, a person with a first name is a person who is experiencing the same journey of life we all do — you just have to take the time to get on a first name basis with them.

There’s a reason why my dad has always asked everyone to call him “Bob.” And now hopefully these “Best of”tidbits from volume two of B.O.B. leave you feeling like you know him.